Principles
Date: January 25th, 2023
Lessons form principles. Some lessons are handed down, some are learned, some are unconscious habits. We all have the ability to expand and refine our principles through trial and error. Do my principles manifest concretely, no. Some shine brighter than others and some tend to be more aspirational than reality. For me, principles function as themes that I strive to consistently impress throughout my life.
Here are my principles:
You control your emotions, you control your actions, you control your life
Much of our emotions and actions can be easily manipulated through choice. Do we all have bad days, tragedies, the unexpected? Yes. But for most, those don’t occur every day or place you in a cage that stops you from getting to your goals.
Be confident in your long-run abilities but humble in the short-term
We all know people that are cocky. They’re normally not the most pleasant to be around. Don’t be that person. I know that I can get from point “A” to point “B” in the long term if I accomplish “x”, “y” and “z”, and manage the uncertainty as it comes. Humble people are more pleasant to be around and none of us are the best at everything. So pursue with conviction and courage, but maintain the openness to be humbled.
Give your teammates the credit before yourself
In the same vein as remaining humble. Don’t forget about all the help along the way, you probably were not the SOLE contributor to the endeavor. You might be in the spotlight but it sends a better message to reflect your gratitude and unselfishness by directing the praise to your teammates.
Complacency breeds mediocrity
Complacency is doing nothing or doing the same thing because eventually “the same thing” won’t teach you anything. The world doesn’t stop because you do. If you stop, your human capital will decay down to some residual value. From a career standpoint, this doesn’t need an explanation. But, even from a day-to-day perspective, this will occur. For example, if you quit learning or experiencing new things at age 30, you’ll have the same 0-30 knowledge base forever. You’ll be telling the same handful of stories forever. Talking about the same conversation topics forever. And, will feel less and less content as the world continues to change until it reaches the point where you’re uncomfortable, and the people around you are less and less interested because every possible conversation with you has already been had.
There is good news. Working hard and trying new things are what bring the most fulfillment. At the extremes they're both bad: working too hard, trying too many things vs never working hard, never trying new things. But somewhere in the middle, is optimal. The difficulty is that to get somewhere in the middle you’ll be faced with discomfort and uncertainty, these are the bridges you have to cross to experience the lasting and worthwhile benefits.
Charisma is a choice
Do we all have a perfect smile, and natural ability to make friends everywhere we go? No. For some people, charisma is their best skill. However, the level of charisma required to have positive interactions is a choice. The main things are to smile, make eye contact, ask the person about themself (people love talking about themselves), listen until the person is finished speaking, and let the questions come naturally.
Be nice to people
Be nice to people. Plain and simple. I can’t think of any times in my life where I can look back and think “I should’ve been mean to that person” or “I’m glad I was mean to that person”.
A cheap jab at someone or laugh at their expense won’t ever make you proud.
Get along with people
There’s a very small percentage of despicable people. There’s a large percentage of people that you won’t fully jive with. Even the people you aren’t the biggest fan of, they’re probably not despicable. So be pleasant, find common ground, and enjoy your time. Let the negatives fade.
Take comfort in the fact that we all have anxiety, but don’t let anxiety impact your decisions
Growing up, I always thought anxiety was a weird word. You have anxiety? What does that mean? About what? Why? Feelings can either be positive or negative. I bucket anxiety in the negative category and tend to bunch it together with words like fear, uncertainty, and discomfort. This is because I view them all as an amalgamation of negative emotions that stem from a lack of control. These feelings creep into our lives daily and try to push us away from things where we would have a “lack of control”. You don’t want to start going to the gym, you keep putting off learning this new skill, you haven’t had the tough conversation with whoever. Why do these types of objectives seem daunting, because they push us into areas where we’ll initially feel a lack of control. Take comfort in the fact that we all have anxiety, but don’t let anxiety impact your decisions
Say no
Why this is harder than it seems, I don’t know. But, what happens when you say “yes” to things you should’ve said “no” to:
You either don’t follow through on your word
Create additional stress
Or, don’t follow through on the “x” reasons you had for saying “no”
I have some friends who will ask me something, I’ll say “no thank you…yada yada yada.”, and they’ll respond with “Yeah, I figured you would say no but I wanted to ask”. I love those friends because they know that regardless of the things I’m currently saying “no” to, we’ll find another way or another time to connect eventually.
Your surroundings impact you
We’ve all heard that your “x” closest friends make up who you are (something along those lines). Which, yes. But, I think we also overlook the impact of our non-human surroundings. Some examples:
Are you laying down or sitting up, slouching or sitting straight? Do you want to be more tired or more awake?
Are you walking around with your headphones in? Do you want to close off the outside world or do you want to be open to interacting with your surroundings?
Do you sleep with your phone by your bed or out of reach? Do you want to be more likely to be on your phone in bed or less likely?
For the questions in each bullet point, I didn’t explicitly say what choice led to what trade-off but it is probably intuitive for you. Do the little things that will lead to positive trade-offs.
Everything is easier once it’s a habit
This ties into the theory that we have a predisposition for comfort. I’ll see this come in a number of flavors whether it be going to the gym, snoozing my alarm, putting off reading a book, etc. The common theme is that they’re all easier once they’re habits. The struggle is having the discipline to endure the first 1-2 weeks when you’re breaking your old habit and forming a new one. Where I’ve seen this play out in my life:
I’m a person who likes going to the gym. Occasionally, for whatever reason, I’ll have a string of weeks where I don’t make it to the gym. Then, I’ll have formed the new habit of not going to the gym. I’ve recognized it has been some time since I’ve worked out so I’ll make a note to myself to get back in the gym. For no good reason, I’ll continue pushing off this note for another week or so until I finally actually get back in the gym. After a week or two of being back in the gym, it has become a habit, I’ve seen the benefits, and resume looking forward to it.
Now and then my life will get too crazy for my schedule and will lead to me going to bed later than usual. Sometimes I’ll react by waking up to my alarm and then snoozing it. If this continues for a few days, then before I realize it I’m snoozing my alarm every day. The additional 20 minutes of low-quality sleep isn’t resulting in any improvement in my day. But now I’ve made the habit of snoozing my alarm and it seems harder than normal to wake up and get up at the first alarm. Eventually, I’ll get back to my normal routine of getting up at the first alarm and it will seem easy once more because it is now a habit.
The little things that have been nagging you, do them
Those tiny things that you keep seeing pop up on your reminders that you continue to push back and push back and push back. Just take the 0-2 hours needed and take care of these tasks so you can free up the mental space and ease your mind. It’s always worth it
Return borrowings in the same or better condition
This was a lesson repeatedly passed on to me by my father. It can be generalized to two main themes: be considerate and be respectful.
Health is important
At its core, it seems obvious. The quality of inputs you supply to your body impacts the quality of output you will generate. The core inputs: activity, diet, sleep, happiness/fun/relationships. What’s interesting is how easily we can overlook these inputs whether it be because we’re stuck in habits or don’t viscerally understand the difference in output. Of course, there’s a fine line between self-care and making worthwhile sacrifices. It's important to check back in with yourself and manage your overall health.
Make your own decisions
It’s your life, you have one life, you have your best interest. Take advice as advice, consider it, consider other things, and make your own decision.
Lastly, I understand that everything has nuance and absolutes are always wrong in the real world… and that I’m 20 some years old and have a lot to learn.